This is a journal of a 40-Day fast...I have done this fast every year during the 46 days before Resurrection Sunday for 50 years. Don't say you can't do it, because most of that time I had a full-time job and at least 2 kids at home.
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||
Day 1
Rise at 5 a.m. Worship. Talk with T. Bless her for her tests toDay.
Day 4I feel excitement. A delightful sense of apprehension. I pray almost expecting You to appear beside me.
I asked some friends to pray for a "cave" for me; a place to go and pray that is quiet and secluded,
Day 8ToDay I went to the mountain palace to talk to the couple who own this lovely home. I find myself telling them all about myself and my life. So unlike me. I don't think I have ever told the whole story at one time to anyone. I am very surprised at myself; and at You. Because I know it would never have occurred to me to do this on my own.
But I feel the enemy's storm a-brewin'.
Day 12I have fasted so many times over all the years I've belonged to You. But I sense that all the other times were mere preparation for this fast. I have a sense of certainty that this is a "break-through" fast... on many levels. This is sobering. Because the enemy will come against me hard to stop a break-through fast. And already I can feel his fetid breath on the back of my neck.
This love You are teaching me is unlike anything I have ever imagined. Nothing has prepared me for it... for You... for Your majesty. I read Hebrews 3, and over and over I perceive You telling me, "hold on" "hold on to courage..." "...hold firmly till the end..." The eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love. God is not unjust; He will not forget Your work and the love You have shown Him as You have helped His people and continue to help them. ...through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.
I am no longer too terribly burned by Your silence. I understand it has a holy purpose, this dark night of the soul. So I will just continue doing the last thing You told me to do: fast and pray, faith and patience -- I know I will receive what has been promised. I love You, Most Beautiful, Most Beloved, Most Wonderful. I love You.
Day 15A very unusual thing happened toDay. I received a call with an extraordinary job offer.
Day 18I am amazed at the tactics of the enemy. So many ways he is coming against me; so many ways he is trying to convince me to break this fast. But since I am fasting at Your request and not my own desire or vanity, I cannot break the fast. I received a condemning admonition from a new acquaintance, trusted only because of his position. I am shocked and hurt at his words. Ok, my vanity is pricked, I am offended at his presumption. My initial reaction is anger. So I called two close advisor-friends, whose walk with You I trust. Of course they point out my inappropriate anger and insist I forgive immediately. Later, one of them calls back. You have spoken from her prayer. She gives me Luke 5:5.
She then tells me what You said to her about this situation. I am humbled, comforted, and warned of new and unexpected enemy tactics. I will not give up... faith and patience. I know You love me. At night, I read a new book my sister purchased for a friend about miracles. I am more than ever convinced of Your love and tender care for Your children. I feel You pressing into my heart, as if to drive home the way You protect, watch over and take care of Your children. Forgive this stubborn woman.
Day 20I am now half-way through my fast. It is stunningly clear to me that there is nothing I would withhold from You and nothing that means more to me than You.
And our love relationship will transform -- a thing of exquisite beauty & loveliness... after all,
Day 23I am stunned. Shocked. Walking around dazed. The job offer from a few Days ago was reaffirmed and made more lucrative. Tonight I went to hear a popular evangelist. T and her boyfriend went with me. I read a book on miracles and it encouraged me so much because Your sovereignty was so very obvious and evident. You really love us.
Teach me how I can have more of You and Your love in my life.
Day 26More trouble from the enemy. I take off for the mountains to be apart and pray. I really miss _____. Please, Father, send this miracle soon.
Day 28I read A Man Named Dave and wept. I saw myself and _____. Some things Dave Pelzer said, _____ has also said. I am so grieved over all the lost years. But I am confident You will restore the years the locusts have eaten. Your Word says so.
Day 30Another one of Your intercessors told me today that as she prayed for me, You gave her Mark 2:19-22. She said You told her I was pouring new wine into new wineskins... new people (from old?) into new relationships (from old?)??? I am continually amazed at the extraordinary influence and power of Your holy Word in the lives of Your children.
Day 32More trouble from the enemy. Prayer is hard today. Last night I dreamed about food. I NEVER dream about food. In fact, I dreamed I ate and woke not sure if I had actually eaten and broken the fast. This is too weird.
Day 34I cooked a large dinner for my sister's kids and a close friend came for dinner. How refreshing close friends are. (I left the room while they ate... ;-)
Day 36I went to a church this morning that I do not think I can return to. So sad. So unhappy. I miss Your voice in my soul. I want to give up. Went to S's house and cried and prayed -- calling out to You. Why are You so silent? Don't You know how much I miss You? S and I went to a very large church for their evening worship. I was bored.
I was impressed to speechlessness when he then prayed for the women... mothers, wives, women who have stood in the gap for men, remained faithful, prayed and prayed, cried, broken-hearted tears, prayed and prayed some more... for men. You are truly and awesome God.
Day 38Received a call concerning the job offer made a week or so ago. The whole thing was called off. So, the enemy strikes again! It was a real slap in the face by our enemy. But, I will have the last laugh on this one! This misadventure also showed me who listens to You. I am depressed about this turn of events. Not that I wanted it so much, but it gave me a new hope for personal, self... something. So, tonight, after a meeting, I fell apart in depression over it all... a bit of besotted self-pity. But after all, I trust You. Deep inside my spirit and soul, You have grown my faith. I trust You, though there is no "visible means of support" for such.
I love You.
Day 39Hungry again toDay. I hate that! Drink more water... more herbal tea. Only 1 more Day until I can start the process of coming off this fast... a slow process back to normal eating. This was such a long, hard fast. I hope it is truly a beautiful, fragrant sacrifice to You.
Day 40A friend took me out for tea to a charming gourmet supermarket. Then we walked along the streets of the quaint township, and it reminded me of places in Maryland, where I no longer live. There is a distinct lack of genteel charm in California.
When he left, I reviewed the conversation, and my soul remembered all too well its loneliness. This life is difficult.
Day 41My heart's desire is to have the mind and heart of Christ; to love as He loved, to forgive as He forgave.
This 40Day fast changed my life. I can't wait to do it again.
Coming off a 40 Day fast is not difficult, but it is a little tricky, in that you want to dive into food, almost any food, but you can't do that. If I were to do that, I would get very, very sick.
So, I am coming off the fast with easily digested foods; fruits and fruit juices and some vegetable broth.
Over the next few Days I will eat some mashed potatoes, some mashed butternut squash, and graduate to more hearty fare, oatmeal, etc. I take my time coming off such a long fast, because my body has changed and my appetites and food desires have changed.
I will definitely take advantage of this change. No more junk food.
I will take better care of the temple God has given me since Jesus Himself resides in me, and the Holy Spirit lives in me.
I have done this fast every year during the 46 days before Resurrection Sunday for 50 years. Don't say you can't do it, because most of that time I had a full-time job and at least 2 kids at home.
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||
